your reality matters: others Opinions Shouldn’t Define Your Choices

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Weekly Dose of Work Recovery Vol. 6.10.26

"You can spend a career managing how you look, or you can spend it building something that feels like yours."

A note from me…

In last week's edition, I talked about the pressure I have often felt in my career to keep my busyness and productivity visible for other people. 

It's the common curse of modern work, and the tools and tech that enable enhanced monitoring of employees certainly aren't helping.

And yet, we are the ultimate deciders of what our best looks like in any given moment. Too often we are the ones who co-sign away our autonomy or our freedom to make small adjustments in the way that we work, because we fear that doing so would make us less valuable or less loved.

It's sad that this was how I spent the first nearly 15 years of my career.

More often than not, I was worried that an unfavorable perception or opinion of me or my work would derail everything. I remember in the first stage of my career, at a major news and information company, many well-intentioned leaders drilled into me that "perception is reality" when it comes to career opportunities.

But now, more than a decade of work experiences removed from that, I believe that "perception is reality" is a lie told to keep us all in line, for the benefit of the system and for those who want us to act and work a certain prescribed way for their highest good (often to drive profits and productivity higher).

I suppose there's a nugget of wisdom to be gleaned from the saying, because it's true that how others feel about us and our work may impact our advancement opportunities. I remember many a time when someone was passed over because they "didn't have what it takes." 

But that was always based on the person making the hiring decision and their values, not the employee.

Unschooling Myself

 The way that I've unschooled "perception is reality" now, many years removed, is to separate my worth from my work and to build unshakeable belief that not everything I'm doing is what others would want me to do. And that's a good thing.

Walking away from the employment law firm I co-founded with partners wasn't what they wanted me to do, and I took serious heat in doing so, but my reality didn't match theirs. That misalignment made staying untenable. So I bid it adieu.

Selling our dream home to buy a house half the price with far fewer amenities looked super unreasonable, and maybe to some on the outside, desperate. But guess what, it's been the best thing ever for our financial security and our family. And it hasn't bothered us one iota what the perception of the change is.

The way I unschool this outdated belief is to acknowledge that my reality does indeed matter just as much, if not more, than the perception of others. Isn't that the basis for the widely publicized Mel Robbins principle "let them" too? Others are going to have thoughts but those thoughts are on them. 

 We shortchange our own possibility when we give other people's perceptions and opinions greater power than our own. It's time we reclaim more of it for our own wellbeing, wealth, and work happiness' sake.

How I feel in my work matters far more to me than what others may think of me. And the impact that I desire to make in this world matters a whole lot more than the opinions of people I don't respect or want to emulate in my own work.

 This is the beauty in being 41 rather than 25. I now see more clearly the autonomy and freedom I have to design my work and my life.

 Others' perceptions of it from the outside be damned because I'm the one living it.

What's an 'unreasonable' decision that you're glad you made anyway, regardless of others' perception? It's those moments of mini rebellion that help build a career and life by design 🦋

Sincerely, 

Bree

This week's did you know…Microsoft Teams is joining the bad club

I don't know about you but I'm getting extra ick seeing all the tech bros work hard to make our work lives more “collaborative” but also more miserable and they're at it again…

 Teams is rolling out enhanced surveillance tools including tracking your time at the computer and flagging when you're working in office. The launch of the features had been pushed after backlash but recent reports suggest they're moving full steam ahead. It's always good to know what your employee data may be used to create “breadcrumbs” about you…for "collaboration" or other purposes…

Source: Microsoft Teams Location Tracking, MSN

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