How My Title Became Me

Weekly Dose of Work Recovery Vol. 8.5.26

“Authenticity is the daily practice of letting go of who we think we're supposed to be and embracing who we are.”

Hey, it's Bree. This week kicks off our August theme of identity, and we're starting with the one most of us wear in public: our title. If you're moving through identity shifts, chosen or handed to you, this one is for you. Because the hardest change is rarely the one on the org chart. It's the quieter one that happens to who you think you are...

How My Title Became Everything About Me

The day I earned my first C-suite title, I thought I had finally arrived.

I was 32, with three offers in three cities and a number attached to my name that my younger self would not have believed I'd ever reach. 

And I kept climbing. By 35 I was the "linchpin" Managing Partner and COO of a firm I co-founded. On paper, I was everything I had spent twenty years building toward.

And I could not have told you who I was without it. 

Sure, I was a mom and a wife, but deep down…I didn't know who I was. On the inside. That's the part no one warns you about. A title starts as something you do. Then, quietly, it becomes something you are. 

The line between the role and the self thins until you cannot find where the job ends and you begin. You stop introducing yourself as a person who happens to practice law or lead law firms or teams. You start introducing yourself as the title, because somewhere along the way it became the most legible proof that you matter.

At least that's what was true for me. 

So here's what I want to name for you, friend, because I lived inside it for years without the words: your title is not just a description of your job. It's the scaffolding your nervous system has learned to rely on. 

When the whole self gets balanced on the label or title, every performance review, every colleague with opinions, every piece of constructive feedback stops feeling like a reaction to your work and starts feeling like a referendum on your worth. Of course you can't rest. Rest feels like letting go of the one thing holding you up.

We are taught to read that identity relationship as commitment. As ambition. As being an ambitious woman who takes her career seriously. 

But the most worthwhile pause is asking a quieter question: who benefits when your entire identity is built on a firm or company that can restructure you out of it on a Tuesday?

None of this means you love the wrong things. You can be proud of what you built and notice how much of yourself you handed over to build it. It's an "and." That is the whole point.

So here is where I want us to go this month, because titles are only the first layer. Underneath the title is usually an older story about who you had to be to be loved. We will get there.

For now, one small experiment. The next time someone asks what you do for work, notice what your body does before you answer. Notice whether you reach for the title like a shield. Notice the tiny flicker of "is this be enough?"

That feeling you get in return is not a flaw. It is information. It is the beginning of getting yourself back.

You are not your title. You are the person who is still here after the title changes or loses its luster. And she's far more interesting than the line on the business card.

Next week: the eldest daughter, the fixer, the helper, and the identities we were handed long before we ever had a job.

Sincerely,

Bree

P.S. If this one landed close to home, here's what I want you to know: you don't have to keep pushing through on your own. The work isn't about forcing more capacity out of yourself. It's about asking better questions...who you are underneath the title, and what you actually want next. If you'd like company for that reflection, book a call and let's talk about it. No pitch. Just a real conversation.

P.P.S. If this resonated, I go deeper on the reset and recovery before we rise idea in my TEDxDuluth talk. Watch it here → Recovering from Work: The Leadership Revolution We've Been Missing

This week's did you know…Folks are inflating job titles

In one recent survey, 92% of workers said companies hand out inflated titles to create the illusion of career growth while quietly holding back the raise.

 Here's what stopped me cold: 15% said they had accepted a lower salary in exchange for a more senior-sounding title. Sit with that. 

We will trade real money for the words on the business card, because the title feeds something the paycheck doesn't. That isn't a personal failing. It's a system that understands exactly how much of our identity is wrapped up in what we're called at work, and prices it accordingly...

Source: MyPerfectResume worker survey, HR Dive

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